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Screams from my Bleeding Utrus

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The Star and the Nothing

A recorded version of a story I wrote about the first star ever born into the universe. – Jessie S.

For You <3 …

For You ❤

 

 

“Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself – and especially to feel. OR, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at that moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is” – Jim Morrison. 

I would have titled this post “Best Friend” but I’m saving that title for something else. My own words have failed me and so I’ve stolen someone else’s. Thanks Jim. 

for you ❤ 

This is not finished but I’m restless/impulsive today so… here ya go.

wordpressself

MONDAYS

MONDAY: a self portrait 

By noon she was sure the bottom of her eyelids drooped deep down into the apples of her cheeks but no one seemed to notice and for once she was too tired to care. The only thing that received her attention was the nagging clicks that jumped off the beige office clock that hide on the corner wall. Five O’ Clock it seemed, was never going to come…

tick toc.

“You Should Date An Illiterate Girl,” by Charles Warnke & “You Should Date A Girl Who Reads,” by Rosemarie Urquico

“Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes. ”

I fell in love with this post:

http://blogs.uoregon.edu/thepropercareandfeedingofwriters/2012/10/26/you-should-date-an-illiterate-girl-by-charles-warnke-you-should-date-a-girl-who-reads-by-rosemarie-urquico/

The Shadow Inside Me

I had a very strange dream the other night.

I woke up in a gritty urban development where everything was gloomy and tainted gray. The people of this world were very odd. They shifted around like machinery clustered  inside a brick building that took up an entire block. Attached to each of these mechanical people were dusty black shadows that loosely shifted around behind them. The people did not intrigue me as much as their shadows. The shadows had a faint sandy texture that made them look as if they’d been sketched by the flat side of charcoal pencil. In fact the whole world felt like a charcoal drawing thrown together by scratchy amateur fingers. The brick building seemed to be breathing and as I peered closer into its structure I noticed veins, skin and plasma. The building was alive, a living organism with a physiology  similar to humans but a distinctly different anatomy. The brick of the building were actual blocks of translucent skin, textured with blue varicose veins and it’s breath pulsated like a pumping heart.

I was shielded in a yellow cab, driving through the chaos alone, trying to wrap my head around who these characters were and what exactly their purpose was. Millions, possibly billions of mechanical silhouette graced by the cabs rickety window. I gazed deeply inside the profile of one of the characters faces as it slowly grazed by. It’s  head was turned downward and he was dragging his feet along the abstract floor. I looked into more faces profiles and my external sensor’s gather each character was physically identical  but my internal intuition knew that they were complexly different as each of their shadows lingered of different essences. I kept driving along, a ghost to this strange place, as not a soul noticed I was there.

After hours of examining, I concluded there was nothing more to understand, that this simply was an experience to be had, nothing more. I started to venture for a way out.  The front of the building had lifted up its skin forming an exit. I pushed on the gas petal and pierced right through the gap landing on a slap of concrete that stretched deep into the vas urban development. Something felt funny and by funny I mean terrible. Along the edge of the road was a shadow without its person, slowly gliding along, haunting like the Grim Reaper. It was clear that it was in no rush but I knew even if I’d manage to catch up, it would be nearly impossible to it get in back inside the building. I notice more shadows proceeding to escape thorough the gap so I tugged down on the buildings bruised skin. It closed – success! The shady shadow had moved had managed to move a few more inches.  I must hurry! My legs caught up to him easily but my heart was struggling to keep up. The shadow jerked it’s head to the side and stared deep into my soul. I glared back with just as much intensity. Staring deep into it I saw the shadow was no stranger, the shadow was a part of me, the shadow was the essence of just one of my many feeling in literal form- a shadow and it was getting away.

I woke up trembling as the haunted image that was a part of me resonated though my bones, terrifying my conscious

END

The dream hasn’t left me yet but finally I’m able to put it in words. I once had a journal of strange dreams I wanted to record. If I find them maybe I’ll share them here.

😀 Thanks,

Jessie

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Boredom found me again at work today and this song wont escape my head.

“Blue Moon” Lyrics by Lorenz Hart

Blue moon, 
you saw me standing alone 
without a dream in my heart
without a love on my own.

Blue moon,
you knew just what I was there for
you heard me saying a prayer for
somebody I really could care for.

And then there suddenly appeared before me,
the only one my arms will ever hold
I heard somebody whisper, "Please adore me."
and when I looked, 
the moon had turned to gold.

Blue moon,
now I'm lo longer alone
without a dream in my heart
without a love on my own.

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I dream up a meadow growing in a game changing bloom.

With the the tongue charmer kings of the fresh peak moon.

Who guide your belief in a blushing hunter

that’s in bloom.

Today, work was chaotic and yet dull.  I decided I would save the little bit of energy I had on answering phones (my main job) and cutting out interesting words from a gardening magazine I had sitting around on my desk.  I got no sleep last night so this was very therapeutic  Sometimes I am at a loss for words yet want to write/create. This is a great way to get that creative energy flowing.  Just cut, paste, glue – waaLA masterpiece! – Jess

edit – i got no seep. * i’m going to keep it there to laugh at later on how tired i am!!!!!

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