Screams from my Bleeding Utrus


March 2013


Boredom found me again at work today and this song wont escape my head.

“Blue Moon” Lyrics by Lorenz Hart

Blue moon, 
you saw me standing alone 
without a dream in my heart
without a love on my own.

Blue moon,
you knew just what I was there for
you heard me saying a prayer for
somebody I really could care for.

And then there suddenly appeared before me,
the only one my arms will ever hold
I heard somebody whisper, "Please adore me."
and when I looked, 
the moon had turned to gold.

Blue moon,
now I'm lo longer alone
without a dream in my heart
without a love on my own.


I dream up a meadow growing in a game changing bloom.

With the the tongue charmer kings of the fresh peak moon.

Who guide your belief in a blushing hunter

that’s in bloom.

Today, work was chaotic and yet dull.  I decided I would save the little bit of energy I had on answering phones (my main job) and cutting out interesting words from a gardening magazine I had sitting around on my desk.  I got no sleep last night so this was very therapeutic  Sometimes I am at a loss for words yet want to write/create. This is a great way to get that creative energy flowing.  Just cut, paste, glue – waaLA masterpiece! – Jess

edit – i got no seep. * i’m going to keep it there to laugh at later on how tired i am!!!!!

Birthday Roots

Today I have finally cut the chains deeply rooted to all the heavens of tomorrow’s afterlife. I have found complete fullness inside an empty sea of no promises. Inside of each breath I breathe I will exhale the second that has passed and leave it be as the moment of now fills my lungs with presents. Today, my pupils remain permanently dilated on absorbing the vastness of life’s tragedies and simple fortunes.


Today I turned 24 years old. I sit here writing to you as a miniature rocking chair that was given to me at birth sits before me. It’s so close I can trace its oak patterns with the tip of my 24 year old finger. This chair is a porthole to another time and another life. This chair reminds me that once I was an infant capable of so little, before that an embryo capable of even less and before that I was nothing.  As I travel back through these stages of my life the anniversary of my birth simultaneously moves me one year closer toward my death. The seconds keep pushing me forward   In this moment something as bold as lighting strikes me,  “the opposite of life is not death”. The opposite of life is nolife, to never have existed.  And after this truth electrocutes me another thought thunders, cascading down my conscious mind.  “The purpose of life is in the question.” The purpose of life is life, to exist.

flash foward                                                                   

I realize the biggest lie man has put his faith into is life-after. Heaven is the hell of today. I have walked 24 years of my life upon murky foundations. A foundation that guided my steps even after I rejected my Christian faith.  Perhaps believing in an afterlife is instinctual, for the only thing man has not achieved is mortality and the only current cure to this is heaven. On my 24th birthday I have decided to fully reject this notion. The moment I did this fear consumed me until my eyes opened wide and showed me the promise of today. For the first time in 24 years, I feel alive. 


A Long Long Time Ago

A single rain drop freezes just before it hits the wet floor.

Time plays on.

Gravity emerges.

The drop falls to its destined place and ripples in the streets diluted skin.

And in the distance a gray sky dances with tree’s half masked of summers leaves

as the wind whispers a warm melody to seduce the streets of mother nature and make love in the spirit of  Autumn.

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